SFD No. 5
Belonging Isn’t Magic. It’s Something We Build ... Together.
Hello? It’s 2 am … Is anyone else awake right now? Just me?
Well, I (Sally) might as well get this off my mind anyway.
For the past several months, Jackie and I have been working together more than we have in the past. We share a couple of projects that are filling most of our time, so we have a lot of decisions to make together. If you’re following along, you know we live in different states, with different time zones, different learning styles, and different stages of family life. Despite these logistical challenges, this has been an incredibly productive, fulfilling, and even exciting collaborative time.
Our routines are a lot like our last Shift Happens post. They’re rituals and rhythms, with lots of choices about how to do something. Thinking about our rituals and working rhythm made me wonder how different teams make “Shift Happen.”
Some Examples of Our Day-to-Day Rituals:
Intentions
We get to do a lot of presenting, public speaking, and resource development. When we create slides, written materials, or visual products, we start with our intention (purpose). First, we ask: What do we want participants or readers to take away? When we’re clear about the outcome we’re aiming for, we can help each other stay focused on that. And, when other great ideas come up (because we get excited!), we take a quick minute to decide where to put that note for later.
Choices, Strengths, Interests
This is my personal favorite. We’ve built flexibility into our day-to-day project flow so we can work in ways that work for us that align with our strengths and interests. What does that mean?
I like Google Drive, Jackie likes Canva. We use both, depending on the project (but we never make each other use OneDrive, which we’ve agreed slows down our work and makes it hard to be in the same place [virtually] at the same time) because when the technology works, and we know where to find things, it makes our work easier.
Jackie is visual and creative, and I’m a verbal processor. Jackie listens to me describe an idea, a concept, an activity, anything really, and then she creates a simple, beautiful visual display.
I outline the big picture, and Jackie’s skilled with succinct, detailed language. In drafts, I’ll sometimes leave notes like, “Write words about belonging here” and tag Jackie to “disco ball”, which is our belonging shorthand for “work your magic!”
Jackie can quickly cite sources, provide research, or detail facts. Sally can turn that information into something practical for adults to do, think about, or apply to their work. When we’re working on a slide deck, Jackie will write “Sally activity idea” on a slide and keep going, rather than taking time in places we’ve agreed are more in line with my strengths.
We can both sometimes do all of these things. But what we’ve learned working together is that, just because we can, doesn’t mean we should (or have to). If I want to learn to create beautiful graphics or visuals, that’s my choice! Right now, it’s not the best use of my time. It takes me a long time, and, honestly, I don’t like it. I end up feeling frustrated.
The belief that we have to be everything, do everything, or mirror each other to matter isn’t how we belong. We belong by being us, not by trying to fit in.
Speaking of Belonging …
All of these rituals take place in the context of our relationship, with connection and belonging as our top priorities. And, believe it or not, the more we experience belonging with one another, the more easily our work flows.
How do we build belonging with one another? Well, lots of ways …
A Few Ways We Build Belonging In Our Daily Rituals
We talk (or text) every day (almost). Even if it is a quick 5-minute call to check in about the next steps of a project or ask about one another’s families (hey, we’re human!) If we text after hours, we have agreed that no response is needed. We’ll even start by texting “Ignore this until tomorrow.” We use text because it works for us, but other tools (Slack, Teams, etc.) work for different teams, too.
We often start our check-in with our “Top 3” for the week or the day (what each of us needs to accomplish). This offers us the opportunity to ask what we can do to support one another and to understand whether one of us will be busier or less available than usual.
We prioritize connection. Really. If I’m having a hard day, Jackie might offer to jump in and take something off my plate so I can go for a walk to clear my mind. Or I’ll suggest Jackie head to a craft store for a creative stroll, and I’ll wrap up a document she’s been working on. Then, she can finalize it with fresh eyes. This can’t always happen (deadlines, ugh), but we try.
We appreciate each other, the way we are, and all of the parts that make us who we are. Look, I know that I can be a lot. I’m a “talk-to-strangers-in-the-elevator, find-the-silver-lining, throw-confetti-on-everything-it-will-all-work-out” kinda gal. That can be frustrating when we have actual deadlines, funding shortages, or systems (yuck). Jackie appreciates me, knows my intentions, and helps me channel all of that into something good. I also appreciate that sometimes Jackie needs to talk something through several (hundred … I’m kidding, only one single hundred, max) times before she’s ready to move forward. I know she’s getting somewhere important, so even if I thought we were done with a topic, if she needs more processing time or to ask more questions to make sure we’re not missing something, I pop my AirPods in and make space for it.
Did our connection and belonging happen overnight? Or after we put a few daily rituals in place? Nope.
We built it together, slowly, over time, as we all do. In fact, my husband lovingly says that Jackie “wormed her way into my heart.”
But isn’t that how all relationships start? “Hey, human, want to human together?”
For those of us in professional relationships or working on teams, we already have something in common (our work). So, it’s likely we’ve got a jump-start on building belonging … because of our shared purpose.
As I write this, I have to say that I first experienced this on a team in Minnesota (shout-out to the MNCoE peeps #bestteamever). Back then, I didn’t recognize it as belonging. I thought it was some kind of magic that 12 professional women from different regions of Minnesota happened to have. We only came together in person once a month, but we leaned into each other’s strengths, valued different perspectives, and made the work better together.
It felt like magic. And honestly, it was magical. It turns out, it was also belonging.
Now that I’ve experienced this kind of workplace belonging (or, magic) twice, each time a little different, I’ve learned that we can actually build it … together.
To every team figuring out how to build belonging together … stay scrappy, stay human,
Sally (and Jackie)